First, get all of your toppings ready. Start by making the smoked garlic mayo by mixing the grated horseradish, smoked garlic, lemon juice and mayonnaise in a bowl. Set aside.
Mix the chopped dirty onion with the cider vinegar, then season with a pinch of sea salt and set aside. (See below for dirty onion instructions).
For the seasoning salt, mix all the dried ingredients together in a bowl. Get all your veg prepped and have your cheese ready. Finally, get your grill going with a medium hot heat.
Now, it’s patty time. You don’t want a super-dense patty. A coarse grain on the mince means the fats can render down and flavour the beef patty. Divide the mince into four equal piles. Carefully sculpt each pile into a patty. I like my patty to be about 2.5cm (1 inch) thick. make sure it is even all round, so there aren’t any bits that are fatter than the rest. When creating the patty, I like to see cracks around the edge of the burger – I call these ‘fjords of flavour’. As the fats render down, they will cascade down these fjords and flavour the patty.
Sprinkle the seasoning salt onto both sides of the patties and place them over direct heat. When the patties come away from the grill easily, then it’s time to flip. Flip again when the grill releases your patties on the other side, and keep flipping every 1–2 minutes until the burgers are cooked through.
If you get flare-ups and it’s getting out of hand, move the patties to the indirect side, so you can calm things down. Plus, this gives the burger a chance to do some more cooking on the inside.
Once the burgers are about three-quarters done (about 50oC/122oF), lay a slice of both types of cheese in a cross on each patty and place the cloche over the burgers to melt the cheese quickly.
Move the burger to the indirect side just before it’s hit the internal temperature you are after. I like my burger to be cooked medium-rare (55°C/131°F).
As soon as you move the burgers over, get the bacon on the direct heat along with the bun halves, cut side down. When the bacon and the buns have a nice crispy char, remove everything onto a board ready to assemble.
To assemble, lay out the bottom half of the bun, spread a dollop of the smoked garlic mayo on it, followed by a piece of lettuce. Now it’s time for the main event! Cast that grilled, cheesy, slab of meaty beef ass down on top of the lettuce, like Thor casting thunderbolts into Hades. Finish off with the bacon, tomato and dirty onions. All you need to do now is pop that toasted bun on top to seal the deal. Then, suddenly, bam! You have made the ultimate cheeseburger!